I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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