so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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