Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
