i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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