hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
