I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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