Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and she was petting her beer can
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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