I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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