i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
