she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
