I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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