2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
