ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
