They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
