You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
