Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
