i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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