i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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