They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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