I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
