Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
