How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
