Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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