White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dicks are not precious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
