You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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