oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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