Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
