I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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