none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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