I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
