If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
