Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
