do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I won the penis lottery.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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