I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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