I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
