Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
