I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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