I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
