New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
