if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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