Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
