He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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