you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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