I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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