but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
True college students do jello shots in the library
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