you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
