No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
