also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
