I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So vagazzling was a success
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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