apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
