the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
