we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
