don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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