is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
