I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
