dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize