Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize