Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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