After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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