It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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