I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
