You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
