Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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