Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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