"it" just moved
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
