Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint