Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.