girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis