I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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