Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am available for nakedness
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.