Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
