My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
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he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.