Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
