she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
