see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
