you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
