My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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