"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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