have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
