she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
