I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We named our party play list daddy issues
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
