Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You pole danced in your parka.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
