I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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