I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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