Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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