At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my moral compass just broke
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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