Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
